“The only way these things move forward is through constant reassertion.” “You can’t control how people see you, but you have a right to assert how you’d like to be seen,” said Wright, who notes that she is trying to use the word less after discovering many hear it as offensive and not inclusive. Today, when some women hear “ma’am,” instead of envisioning an elegant French lady, they picture a woman past her prime. The decision was celebrated by feminists noting that men of all ages only have one label, “monsieur,” so women should also have just one neutral label.īut the English words “miss” and “ma’am” have hung around. “Madam” (or “madame” in French) is traditionally used to refer to a married woman and unmarried women were called “mademoiselle” meaning “young lady” – the equivalent to “miss.” The French government banned the word “mademoiselles” from official usage in 2012. This pronunciation change happened at a time when American English was trying to differentiate itself from British English, explained Kelly Elizabeth Wright, experimental sociolinguist and lexicographer at Virginia Tech. It comes from the French word for “my lady” (ma dame), which in English turned into “madam” and then “ma’am” by the 1600s, according to Merriam-Webster. “Ma’am” is generally considered to be a polite term to address a woman, but depending on the region or context, it can mean the exact opposite. There’s no definitive age when a “miss” becomes a “ma’am,” but women take note when they start to hear the shift. “My waitress (who is visibly younger than me) called me a ‘ma’am.’ Excuse me, did you just say ‘botox’ or ‘ma’am’? They both sound the same,” joked Christina Becerra on Twitter. Kacia Woldridge, who works in the food and beverage industry, said she remembers a woman in Southern California “who was openly offended and angrily corrected the employee – ‘ma’am is for my mother, not me.’” That’s respectful, but not ‘ma’am.’ It sounds old, and that’s coming from me who’s about to turn 60,” said Gary Petersen, a doorman in New York City. “I thought I wasn’t quite old enough for that yet.” “It rattled me the first time I was called ma’am,” one 23-year-old shared on Reddit. When I hear “ma’am,” I feel my youthful privileges slipping away – like the assumptions that you’re interesting, open-minded and up-to-date on the latest trends (I admit, like anyone who’s not in their early 20s, I struggle to keep up with Gen-Z fashion). I’m no longer that innocent kid who plays soccer, enjoys summer off and is told “the world is your oyster.” Now, I work the daily grind, get back pain and look forward to a night in watching documentaries. It’s an identity shift when you realize people look at you and no longer see a young person. It was like society had decided without my permission that my youth was behind me. Like the first time you aren’t carded at the bar, I remember being called “ma’am” by a waiter and realizing, “Yes, he is talking to me.” As someone from Seattle, this term sounded foreign and out of place. I was completely unaware of how much women were outraged by this word until it started getting directed at me as I hit my mid-20s. But there is one thing you’re probably not thinking about. There are many things that can turn your day from good to bad. Realizing you forget to put on deodorant.
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